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Don’t tolerate hurtful words – be an ally, take action

September 30, 2009

Re: “On Richmond Row, gay hatred grows” Sept. 28, 2009 and “Tolerance a Realistic Goal” Sept. 16, 2009

To the editor:

The problem with the use of hateful slurs is people genuinely feel as though there is no consequence to their actions. They also believe that whoever dares to speak up to them is a type of “language police” or [they] even respond with, “don’t be so gay, you know I’m joking.” The unfortunate reality is that we do not realize it is not a joke, especially when we consider the number of suicides committed by homosexual individuals.

I would dare say that the world, more specifically our university, is made up of a higher percentage of bystanders than perpetrators. The question is then: which role is worse? If the perpetrators feel as though there is no consequence to their actions, who or what is it that gives them this freedom and safe space?

When I think of this analogy I cannot help but compare it to the fact, that just two weeks ago, there was an editorial in response to a hate crime towards a 22 year-old homosexual male — wherein the solution was seemingly deemed to be the “realistic goal” of “tolerance.” Although this is a noble thought, I offer an alternative. It is one thing to be one of the three aforementioned categories but I feel the need to highlight the importance of a fourth, which is to be an ally.

If it is your friend who speaks in an questionable way, most of the time you trust they don’t mean it negatively and so you merely brush off their remarks. This illustrates the largest part of the problem. It is also fueled by the fact that there is no apparent role of an ally in between — someone that may not, but can at least try, to point out the offensiveness.

Why do I feel as though, as a straight woman, I need to be an ally? I am an ally because I cannot count the number of times I have felt discriminated against as a visible minority, as a woman or as a religious believer. The vicious cycle extends beyond those directly connected to the remarks, but it can stop.

Let me end with an anecdote on the situation. I have a friend in a professional program who used an offensive term. Although I know his character is a good one and again, he is a good friend of mine, his “that’s so gay comment” caused me to pause and express the offensiveness. It caused me to be an ally.

Although he willingly listened to my point of view and openly accepted and agreed with my reasoning, he concluded with another argument. It was based on the fact that, “the chances someone gay will hear me ever say these comments, or someone will be offended” is slim to none.

If the leaders of tomorrow will lead with this mindset, then who do we have to blame for the injustices around us, other than ourselves?

Yes, tolerance may be important, but what does it mean to be tolerant? I personally strongly dislike this word. My friend is clearly tolerant of the fact that gay people exist — although he insists it’s a small number — but this doesn’t change his actions, nor does it necessarily force him to understand.

Celebrating diversity is a large part of the solution, but the first and most important step for this to happen is to openly be an ally. At the end of the day we all live in the same space. One group is not more human, or “tolerable” than another, so why make someone feel as though this is the case?

—Bianca Canave

Religious Studies IV

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