You’ve probably heard the penny will be no more. Last week, it was announced the penny will be phased out of Canadian currency beginning in the fall.
A lot of people probably heard this, shrugged, and went on with their lives—after all, the penny seems to be more of a nuisance rather than a treasure nowadays.
When I heard the news, I’ll admit I was a little upset, and not only because it means in some cases prices will be rounded up, but because the penny has just always been there. I can’t imagine a world without the penny. Perhaps I’m being nostalgic, but there was something innocent about collecting pennies as a child—now what are kids going to collect? Dimes? That’s ludicrous.
Don’t throw away all your pennies just yet, because the government confirmed they will still be accepted as a form of currency, but just no longer produced. In other words, shiny pennies will become extinct.
So in order to pay tribute to the penny, I’ve decided to write the remainder of this column in rhyme because, well, it’s my second last column of the year, so why not?
Oh little penny, with your shiny copper coat.
You’re so classy, unlike dime and its boat.
Just because you are worth the least,
does not mean your importance is ever decreased.
Okay, maybe it is, because I’ve got some bad news,
time to pack it in penny, you’ve paid all your dues.
You’ve fallen from power, I’m afraid to report,
you’re worth less than you cost, you’re too much to support.
What’s that, little penny? No—don’t shed a tear,
you’ll still be made till the fall of this year.
Now times are tough—you don’t make any sense,
the government no longer sees the need for you, pence.
It’s really not personal—I thought you were great,
I wish I could stop this, but I think it’s too late.
“Free your pennies from their prisons,” Flaherty said,
it won’t be much longer until the penny is dead.
Let’s not dwell on the bad, but remember the good.
Some people called you worthless, but I understood.
Sure, you might not buy much, but we all should agree,
a thought isn’t as special when you give it for free.
On the ground you would sit, shiny and ready to pluck,
“I hope it’s heads up—I could use some good luck.”
Sure, you were annoying when you weighed down my purse,
but that’s a first world problem, things could really be worse.
There’s kind of a thrill when I can pay with all pennies.
Oh, apologies to people in line holding their twenties.
At this point you may be thinking, “How can this be?
What if my total comes to $8.93?”
Prices will round up—it’ll be quite a pickle.
All I will say is get used to the nickel.
But the price will go down if it ends in one, two, six or a seven,
put simply that means your total is $1.10, not $1.11.
The government assures us this will be for the best,
it worked for Australia and New Zealand, so why not the rest?
There’s a silver lining, penny, you won’t completely disappear.
At most you just won’t be physically here.
Credit and debt sales will still round to the cent.
Hear that little penny? Electronically, you’ll be spent!
Wait, if the penny is gone, what about that jar in my closet?
Well, guess I’ll be heading to the bank to make a deposit.
But it’s time to say farewell penny—we had some good times.
I still can’t believe I wrote this whole thing with rhymes.